Harry Potter and the irrelevant title
by Wheezly
Summary: Set when sirius and snape were at school...What happens when a freak, a tranny and a chick magnet get into a love triangle? read and review


Harry Potter and the irrelevant title. Part 2

My name is Dolores Jane Umbridge. I am from a pure blood family and  
I am studying my fifth year at Hogwarts school of Witch Craft and   
Wizardry. In my first year I was sorted in to Hufflepuff upon   
entering the oak doors that lead to the Great Hall. Hogwarts was not  
only the safest place in the Wizarding world but it is also   
amazingly beautiful. My favourite thing in Hogwarts is my pet   
Niffler. His name is Niffy the Nifty Little Niffler. My favourite   
subject is Divination where we read tealeaves, gaze into an orb   
ball and interpret dreams. I am also in love with Severus Snape.

At the start of every year there is a welcoming feast where new  
students get sorted, speeches are made and a feast is eaten. After  
the feast we all head to our dormitories to go to bed and look at  
the yearly schedule. The schedule this year had changed. There was a  
Christmas Ball to be scheduled this year, in a week. I ran straight  
upstairs to start on my dress. I re-read the notice in the morning  
and noticed that you are meant to invite a partner. I ran out of the  
common room in search for Severus Snape.

The moment I laid eyes on him my legs turned to jelly. As I got  
closer I could see the grease reflecting off his black hair.  
"H-Hi Severus, Your hair is a nice shade of greasy black today." I  
said, or more precisely, stuttered.  
"Um…Thanks Umbridge" Severus replied looking slightly taken aback  
"Severus, I was wondering if you would go to the Christmas Ball with  
me?"  
"I don't think I can go with you Umbridge. I have someone else in   
mind." He replied. As I turned to walk away I ran into Sirius Black,  
his robes giving off a singeing smoke smell.  
"Hey, Dolores, can I count on you for the ball?" He asked me.  
"I am sorry Sirius; I am not in the mood right now." With that said  
I turned and went to the girl's toilets where I spent the rest of   
the day crying.

On the night of the ball, which included a feast and started at  
seven, I put on my nicely sewn dress. I looked at myself in the  
mirror upon the wall. I was amazed at how pretty I looked. I made my  
way downstairs where I met up with my last minute date. Lucious  
Malfoy, a blonde rich snob, but I couldn't go without a date so he  
was the next best thing. After the feast I stood over by the punch  
bowl watching Severus and Sirius dance with each other. Severus was  
not wearing his usual black robes. Instead he was wearing a fluffy  
red boa, a tight black T-shirt with denim jeans that flared out at  
the bottom and electric blue high heels. Not only that, his hair was  
on fire. It was weird seeing him like that, he looked totally  
different.

As I was drinking my punch I saw Malfoy approach me. As he got  
closer I could smell the fire whiskey in his breath. Lucious forced  
me on to the dance floor where not many couples were dancing anymore   
and started to kiss me. It was horrible. I tried to get him off me  
but his grip was too tight. An hour past and I was finally able to  
return to the punch table without him.

I stared over at Severus and Sirius. They seemed to be talking.  
Sirius then stormed off. I went over to Severus to see what was  
going on. He shrugged and then I felt myself blush as we began to  
dance. I told him how I felt about him and he replied with a kiss.  
By the end of the night I was really very tired. As we were leaving  
the great hall I noticed something on the ground. It was a note  
labelled to 'Dolores and Severus'. I picked it up and began to read  
it aloud.  
_  
To whomever may find this note;  
I was stumbling drunk down the path after finding out Severus is a transvestite. '-I   
gasped. I was in love with a transvestite? -'When suddenly something  
attacked me. It was Macbeth, Severus' feral fire breathing  
kitten…I'm sorry, but I had to kill it. There was a lot of blood…I  
had to find the energy to write this, leave it, then go where no  
body would find me to die. I love you Dolores. There has never been  
a time where I stopped loving you, and Severus, its all your fault.  
My feelings towards you have always been negative. I do not dare  
drag myself to the hospital wing-I'd rather die a man's death by  
running away. Don't come looking forme, I could not stand harming  
Dolores when she sees my blood, tattered, possibly half-devoured  
body. Dolores…remember I love you… I know you'll go far in life - you're  
quite the little hell raiser.  
I bid you Adieu! Tally Ho!  
-Sirius  
_  
I was so stunned by the note that I dropped it and started to cry. I   
couldn't believe Severus was a transvestite.  
"Are you really a transvestite?" I yelled. I was so angry and upset  
I thought I was going to break down completely.  
"I am going into the forest to find Sirius," I yelled once more. I  
ran out of the Great Hall and down the path towards the forest.

The forest was pitch black and I could here eerie music playing. The   
music scared me so I got out my wand to prepare for an attack. After  
walking for five more minutes my throat was getting dry. That's when  
I realised that I was humming the eerie music. I kept walk through  
the forest in silence. It was even scarier then when I was humming.  
I heard a ruffle of leaves to the left and that's when I saw it.  
Macbeth the feral fire breathing kitten's ghost was chewing up Niffy my Nifty Little Niffler. I was mortified. Can ghosts even eat Nifflers? At that moment I heard the sound of crunching leaves. I span around with my wand in my hand to find that it was only Severus. He looked down at Macbeth, and had a slight grin on his pale face. "What is so funny?" I yelled, devastated that my Niffler had been killed. He shook his head as if to say 'never mind', and pulled out his wand. He pointed it at me, and I gasped. Surely he wasn't going to kill me too…

Suddenly a florescent green stream of light shot out of the end of his wand, and I knew that any second now, it would all be over… I closed my eyes, ready to fall. But nothing happened. I opened my eyes slowly, and yelled,

"Take your time!" but then I noticed a cute fluffy pink Niffler sitting at my feet, staring up at me with gorgeous, innocent eyes. I looked to Severus, who continued to grin at me.

"Severus, you dolt… what did you do?" I asked, slightly confused. He laughed an almost sinister laugh (which was usual for him), and pointed at the Niffler.

"This," he said slowly, "is yours."

I looked down at the Niffler, which looked up at me as if to say, 'Get a life lady, and pick me up!' So I bent down and picked up the feather-light Niffler, who immediately took comfort in snuggling up to me.

"Please Dolores… come back to the castle. Dumbledore will be wondering where we are, not to mention everyone else." Severus said softly, approaching me. I nodded, and we trudged through the darkening forest, back up to the main hall.

After that fateful night, Severus and I never exchanged words again, even though I think about him every day. I have finished my schooling at Hogwarts and am now Senior under secretary to the Minister for Magic. My life is going well and next year I am due to teach Defence Against the Darks Arts at Hogwarts, what more could a girl want?


End file.
